Sometimes, the full weight of the reality sinks in too deeply
and I realize it for a little while
but I push it away
thinking, 'if I don't think about it, it will go away'
True,
till the next time it comes again.
when will I be free?
the years that have gone by are the years that I've lost and never getting back.

it's like.
there's no more of anything anymore.
I wish I didn't care. At least it wouldn't hurt if it didn't matter to me.
But sometimes, the things you are most hung up about,
are the ones that deserve the least attention from you.
You know what I mean?
It just sucks.
I call it emotional abuse. And every single fucking day, I just wake up to this.
Will I get stronger or will I break?
Past experience tells me I won't get stronger, but I won't break either.
How many years have this been?
Ignoring, forgetting. It's okay. It will change. Things will get better.
Sometimes, I wish I am physically abused instead.
At least, I'll fight back. I would know clearly that's my line of action.
But no, this is worse. You don't know what to do,
and you can't deal with it. You just suck it up and smile.