God gives each and every of us the same amount of happiness, frustration, sadness and blessings.
The duration of your life doesn't really matter... because in life, I think death is not exactly a curse, but an eternal release from suffering in the living life. So perhaps for the short-lived beings, all the myriad of emotions are just compressed within that time.
Returning to the self-centric nature of this blog: I feel like I've expended much of my happiness and blessings in my life in terms of the sort of people I've met in my life. It must have been. I haven't met a single person who treats me meanly, not too meanly, anyway. But a whole lot of angels in my life. You know who you are... I would probably list them out if I were writing in a diary or a password protected blog, but this is ultimately a public kongjian that I don't want to expose too many names here.
I could probably list one to a hundred, at least. Some more than others, but nevertheless, still my angels. Guarding me from tipping over the edge at one point or another. Saving me from the urges to throw myself into doldrums and waste. Saving me from bad decisions. Giving me a refuge, a safe haven in this suffering of the living life.
Haven't thought about existential issues for a long long time but it doesn't mean that they aren't always at the back of my mind. I know it's very egoistical (aren't I always) to regard this sort of questions as one of the more intellectual topics to think about; even more egoistical to think that intelligent people are always unhappy because of the core existential issue that they can't come to terms with, unless resolved with religion.
With no intention to show disrespect to any religion in particular, I think that countering existential issues with religion is the most escapist way of seeing it. Okay, just like how whatever that follows "no offense" is often offensive... you may leave now if you don't want to read whatever that's going to come.
(Boy am I long-winded tonight)
Back to why I think it is escapist, I have to re-evaluate my own "religion" (or lack thereof) to set the stage for this monologue on existential issues.
In my belief, "God" is an external superpower whose only function is to give me confidence or faith in issues that science has no answers for, and simultaneously I'm aware and take it as an indisputable fact that God is a figment of my mental creation. Still following me? I'm rational beyond words, but expect nothing less from a mechanical product of this secularized and highly-bureaucratic society.
Next: Suicide is only natural and that the only motivation for people to not commit suicide is distraction in the form of work and temporary, short-lived goals such as - getting rich? earning more money for the next meal ticket? and so on. Which are essentially useless and meaningless to say the least. Why, you will definitely ask. Well, you are trapped in complex series of distractions that you don't see how much you've delved inside this maze of distractions. Remove yourself from all these, if you may, and discard all the superfluous additions and ask what the meaning of life is. You don't have to answer me, or try to rebut. Whatever your answer is, I guarantee, it is extremely minute throughout the history of universe and so inconsequential, so microscopic.
This is not meant to encourage suicide, by the way, do get on with your distractions in life. We need some peace and order after all and fear is one thing that causes the current living suffering worse and more unbearable.
Okay end of midnight rant. Maybe next time the paragraph above will appear in some reading, please quote my name, kthxbye.
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